They are expected to be the leaders of their household. They are expected to be the flow behind the motions of livelihood, and the beat that carries a song. They are looked at to be a sense of providing not hindrance. What is a “real” man? A man may be able to put across a great image, but it could simply be a cover for hidden shortcomings, or he could just be totally faking it to get the girl. An act of chivalry is something that the ole school folk would associate with the title of a real man.
I look at my life experiences and how I was raised; A real man to me has manners, is polite, and considerate. He is honest, open, and true to himself. He will fight for and defend the people that he loves. He is a hard-worker. He is not spiteful. He respects women and shows appreciation for all of his blessings. A real man is the provider of the family. He is strong, not necessarily physically but definitely mentally. Once committed, he is faithful to only his significant other. He helps with housework and is a role model for his children. A real man knows who he is, what he wants, and is grateful for what he has.
I surveyed a few individuals and the characteristics of a man that they provided were confidence, security, a voice, being responsible, being able to provide for themselves and their family, and effective articulation of his thoughts and feelings. One individual, who I will refer to as PJ, when asked what makes a male a real man advised me that:
“The definition of a real man is the opposite of a joke of a man. A real man you take seriously. He demands respect by his actions. He says what he means and does what he says. It's not about what society boxes anyone in nor is it about dictation, limitations or definitions. Because truth be told, each person is different but a man who handles his business like a mature adult is always the same. That is what a real man is... *Maturity* So it's about what makes each person a "real man" and not what defines them as the opposite.”
In reading the Huffington Post, I came across 10 factors that identify a male as a “real man”:
1. A real man values more than just your looks.
2. A real man will never be intimidated by your motivation.
3. A real man will have more interests than just you.
4. A real man will give you answers.
5. A real man is direct..not disrespectful but direct.
6. A real man will trust you.
7. A real man is cool calm and collected.
8. A real man will show you respect.
9. A real man will put effort into your relationship.
10. A real man will make you want to be the best version of yourself without changing who you really are.
What I will say is that a real man is not perfection but he will strive for progression. He will not be in denial about his faults, he will acknowledge them, and not be defined by them. However, there are a few ways to notice or recognize when someone is not exemplifying what should be the characteristics of a real man. A real man is not a pretender. He is confident in who he is, who he is not, where he has been, and where he is going. He will have neither purpose nor time to pretend to be someone he is not. A real man will not live off of his woman. She pays the rent, utilities, groceries, buys you beer, cooks, and clean while you do nothing. Yet you walk around with your chest poked out like you did shit! A real man will not see his woman working hard to provide for their household and he just chill and keeps his money to himself.
A real man will not present themselves as some born again Christian or so God focused to get people to be on their side when they have messed up and/or ruined what could’ve been greatness. What they will do is own up to their shit, apologize, and do what they can do to make it better. A real man will only put their hands on a woman for 3 reasons: to comfort her, to protect her, and to arouse her. He will not abuse, hurt, nor destroy her. He will not throw a phone, keys, chair, or any kind of object at her. Instead he will throw love, respect, understanding, and compassion at her. Unfortunately, a poor excuse for a man can seem at times to have more enablers than one who would be considered an above average kind of a man, quality wise.
Lastly –
If you have a man and you notice the following 4 qualities in him, he’s not a “real man”, he lacks maturity, and if you know your price you’d realize that he has insufficient funds:
1. Double minded (Proverbs 12:15)
2. Sneaky (Proverbs 17:20)
3. Lazy (2 Thessalonians 3:6-10)
4. Angry (James 1:19)
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